Become Your Best Self as a Mom

December 31

Mom sitting on floor being the best mom she can be with child lovingly holing her face

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Did you know that you can become your best self as a mom by just CHOOSING to do so. Yes, much easier said than done. But totally possible!

That’s the thing. It’s absolutely doable. You just need the right motivation to get inspired enough to make the change. . .

What could be THAT motivating?

Well, motherhood. . . Of course!

One of the BEST things about turning into a mom is that it is the PERFECT opportunity to grow and change for the better!

Being a mom puts you in a place where you are FORCED to change.

FORCED to choose to be better or to stay stagnant.

FORCED to improve yourself for the well being of your baby and your family.

So if you are your best self, you will by default, become the best mom you can be.

But what does it mean to be your best self? And how do you go about conquering such a seemingly monumental task as a busy mom?

You choose to do it. It’s that simple. You get to choose.

Let’s look at the different selves that you should keep your focus and attention on and the ones you should not be giving any of your time and energy to. . .

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How to Choose Your Best SELF

We humans were gifted the ability to choose.

I’m not saying that it is always easy, but bringing awareness to our ability to choose is the first BIG step.

You have to choose what kind of self you are going to be. This is not just a big declaration, but in all the micro-decisions that we make as moms on a daily basis.

Choose these powerful ways to become your best self:

compass pointing to the word choice in red font

1. Choose Self-Awareness Not Self-Ignorance

Self-awareness:

“Realization of oneself as an individual entity or personality.”

dictionary.com

Self-ignorance:

“Ignorance of one’s own character, powers, and limitations.”

webster-dictionary.org

Your first step is to be aware. You can choose to be aware. Choose to be in the present moment. As you are right now.

One of the best ways to do this is to focus your attention on your breathing.

Concentrate on everything about the breath. How long each one takes. How full your lungs get. The pauses between the inhales and exhales. If it feels cool or warm.

When you are in the present moment, you are NOT worried about the future and you are NOT bogged down by the past. You are able to think and respond with the clearest head possible.

Choosing to be aware of yourself, your strengths and your limitations in the present moment with your child will help you tremendously in any momming situation.

It is you being your best self, your best mom self.

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2. Choose Self-Appreciation Not Self-Criticism 

Self-Appreciation:

“Consciously acknowledging the positive within you, without the need to compare yourself to others. Practicing positive self-talk and being more appreciative.”

medium.com/awareintellect

Self-Criticism:

“The act of or capacity for evaluating/judging one’s own faults or shortcomings.”

merrium-webster.com

As moms, we can be so critical of ourselves.

When we tell ourselves that we could have done better, or we shouldn’t have done that, we are self-criticizing.

One way to combat self-criticism and choose self-appreciation is to remind ourselves that we are doing the best we can in our current situation.

Say it with me:

“I am doing the best I can in my current situation.”

If we put our focus on what we have done right, and keep our focus there; if we can consistently acknowledge the positive rather than the negative, we will be supporting ourselves so that we can keep going forward. So we can make progress.

Being your best self means building yourself up, rather than tearing yourself down so that you can continue to grow.

So that you can be your best for your child.

3. Choose Self-Respect Not Self-Deprecation

Self-respect:

“Holding yourself in esteem and believing that you are good and worthy of being treated well.”

yourdictionary.com

Self-deprecation:

“Belittling or undervaluing oneself; excessively modest.”

dictionary.com
hand writing on chalkboard "time to respect yourself"

In order to become your best self, you must choose to respect yourself.

Do not undervalue yourself.

When someone gives you a compliment, say “Thank you.” And that’s it. Don’t brush it off or change the subject, or say, “Oh, it’s nothing.”

You deserve respect!

As your kids grow older, don’t you want them to learn to speak to themselves with respect rather than tear themselves down?

We have to model self-respect and positive self-talk for our kids. So they can also learn to do it for themselves.

Your words become your child’s inner voice.

I really try to make this one a priority because if I can instill in my children positive self-talk and self-respect, then it’s almost like I am always with them.

Supporting them.

Cheering them on.

4. Choose Self-Care Not Self-Destruction

Self-Care:

“The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.”

lexico.com

Self-Destruction:

“Behavior that causes serious harm to oneself.”

lexico.com
mom holding coffee mug with comfy clothes on sitting on pillows

Self care can feel like an impossible task as a busy mom. There is no time to go to the nail salon or get a massage. I mean there is barely enough time for a quick shower sometimes.

That’s why self care gets put on the back burner.

We rationalize it away or say it’s not worth the effort.

But it is a priority.

Even employees are allowed to have breaks, vacations, and even receive gifts and get shown appreciation!

You wouldn’t neglect your friends or family like you neglect yourself, right?

Don’t treat yourself any less than you would treat others you care about.

Lack of self-care is equivalent to self-destruction. Not an exaggeration. If you don’t take care of yourself, you are causing serious harm to yourself.

It will snowball.

It can definitely be tricky trying to find time to self-care as a mom, but that’s why you keep it simple.

My post Best Self-Care Products for New Moms has easy to implement self-care products that really make you feel wonderful in short bursts of time.

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5. Chooses Self-Discipline Not Self-Indulgence

Self-discipline:

“The ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.”

lexico.con

Self-indulgence:

“Excessive or unrestrained gratification of one’s own appetites, desires, or whims.”

merriam-webster.com

The ONLY way to ensure that you grow and improve is to practice self-discipline not self indulgence.

Self-discipline is a form of self care. But this does not mean you work yourself to death.

As long as you listen to what your body is telling you and don’t push yourself past the brink, then then self-discipline is healthy.

Pay attention to cues:

  • Sleep in a bit when you had a rough night
  • Eat that extra snack when your body feels lacking
  • Stay home and stretch rather than go for a run in bad weather

Take self-discipline too far the other direction and you end up with self-indulgence.

Self-indulgence is only good in tiny doses. The problem is human nature. Human nature can turn a tiny bit of self-indulgence into self-destruction.

Just remember that self-discipline is not only a big declaration of “I am going to do this!”

It is in the many micro-decisions throughout your day. When you choose to wake up with your alarm, when you choose to take a deep breath rather than react, when you choose to focus your thoughts on the positive instead of the negative.

By learning how to self-discipline ourselves, our children can learn by our example and see how real, effective self-discipline can transform you.

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6. Choose Selflessness Not Selfishness

Selflessness:

“Lack of preoccupation with one’s own interests, advancement, desires, etc., and attentiveness to those of others; unselfishness.”

dictionary.com

Selfishness:

“Someone who is selfish cares only about themselves and doesn’t consider others.”

vocabulary.com
mom giving holding hands out, palms up, giving her warmth

This one is a little bit backwards, isn’t it?

For some reason, when you choose to serve others rather than yourself, you gain more energy. And when you choose yourself over others, sometimes you tend to lose energy.

Now lets not get self-care mixed up with selfishness. Of course you have make sure your cup is full in order to give from it, but selfishness is different.

Practice choosing selflessness rather than selfishness throughout your day.

I know its hard sometimes and you just don’t feel like being selfless. But try it our and see how much better you feel.

Check out my freebie for examples of how to incorporate selflessness seamlessly into your life:

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7. Choose Self-Acceptance Not Self-Contempt

Self-acceptance:

“The awareness of one’s strengths and weaknesses, the realistic (yet subjective) appraisal of one’s talents, capabilities, and general worth, and, feelings of satisfaction with one’s self despite deficiencies and regardless of past behaviors and choices.”

wikipedia.com

Self-contempt:

“A feeling of scorn and lack of admiration of oneself.”

thefreedictionary.com

In order to become the best version of yourself, you must choose self-acceptance.

If you don’t accept yourself as you are, then you will have hit the limit of your growth.

Lack of self-acceptance will naturally deteriorate to self-contempt.

If you have self-contempt, your self-esteem will get worse and worse, making everything and every experience harder get through.

Lack of self-esteem is suffering.

Our kids are like literal sponges. Literal sponges.

There are studies that babies and small children’s brains are in a constant theta frequency (when you are hypnotized or when you are just about to fall asleep) where the brain is very easily influenced by everything.

So the worst thing would be for your child to learn from you that self-contempt is the norm and for them to not be able to accept themselves for who they are.

Find out how to start learning how to accept yourself starting with small easy steps to help change your automatic self-contempt thoughts to self-acceptance.

8. Choose Self-Worth Not Self-Degradation 

Self-worth:

“The sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.”

dictionary.com

Self-degradation:

Where you basically hate yourself and constantly undermine yourself. 

urbandictionary.com

The next step after learning to accept yourself is to choose self worth. Self-worth is the big brother of self-acceptance.

Mama, you are so worthy! You are your baby’s mama. You carried that baby in your body, you gave birth, you are raising your baby the best you can. You are the most important person in the world to your baby.

They will be connected to you and think about you for the rest of their lives.

I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like we deserve this kind of unconditional love, but acknowledging that it is so is a great start.

If you don’t value yourself, you inadvertently start to go into self-degradation. This is a slippery and dangerous slope.

As moms we need to prioritize our self-worth, so that our children learn to prioritize their self-worth.

Want the list of which “self” to focus your attention on? Get it for free:

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9. Choose Self-Actualization Not Self-Sabotage

Self-actualization:

“The realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and potentialities, especially considered as a drive or need present in everyone.”

lexico.com

Self-sabotage:

“Creating problems in daily life and interfering with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.

psychologytoday.com

I like to think of self-actualization as self-growth, or coming into your true self.

This is NOT a sprint, but a slow and steady marathon run.

If we ask ourselves daily, “How can I improve myself” we realign our intentions daily for growth and fulfillment, not undermine our advancements with self-sabotaging behaviors.

When we do feel ourselves not moving towards our life goals, it’s because we are not choosing to self-actualize in our everyday decisions.

As a mom, we practically lose our identities after we have a baby. Their needs always outweigh ours for quite some time. It is the most intense when they are infants due to how helpless they are when they are babies.

But this is the perfect time to rebuild our identities and mentally focus on our growth. To evolve as a person, as a mom.

It just requires a mental shift.

If we never stop learning, always stay open, and notice our self-sabotaging triggers, then we will stay on the path of self-actualization.

But always remember. It is a path, not just a goal.

So choose to stay in the present moment, choose to not do the self-sabotaging behaviors.

This is how to become your best self.

When our kids see us making micro-decisions on a daily basis to advance ourselves rather than stay stagnant, they will intuitively absorb this into their own mindset.

What a gift we would be giving them. . .

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10. Choose Self-Confidence Not Self-Doubt

Self-confidence:

“Confidence in oneself and in one’s powers and abilities.”

merriam-webster.com

Self-doubt:

“A lack of faith in oneself a feeling of doubt or uncertainty about one’s abilities, actions, etc.

merriam-webster.com

Self-confidence is a choice.

I know it doesn’t feel like it sometimes, and I know self-doubt likes to creep it’s way into our minds all the time, but you can choose to ignore the self-doubt and choose self-confidence.

If I had to pick one thing that my kids were intuitively good at, it would be for them to be good at being confident in themselves.

The last thing I want is for them to not believe in themselves and need to look to others for support (especially when things get hard, I want them to be able to gird their loins and not let others opinions negatively effect them).

Being a mom naturally cultivates both self-confidence AND self-doubt.

The trick is to choose to look at the things you are doing correctly, and have a growth mindset for the things you don’t quite have down yet.

One quote I love says there are no losers, just winners and lessons.

Momming is a crash course on life.

Take advantage of the struggles, learn from them, and come out of them with confidence in your abilities.

Keep your focus on how good you are at the things you have accomplished. Confidence will grow if you let it.

mom confidently holding sleeping baby

11. Choose Self-Love Not Self-Hatred

Self-love:

“An appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue. Proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being.”

merriam-webster.com

Self-hatred:

“Hatred directed toward oneself rather than toward others.”

merriam-webster.com

But the way we talk to ourselves sometimes, right?!

Let’s just take a second and imagine ourselves talking to our best friend the way we talk to ourselves. . .

You probably wouldn’t be friends anymore.

Treat yourself with as much love and support as you would your best friend, your sister, your child.

OMG! We deserve love, especially from ourselves.

That voice in your head can manifest self-hatred in many forms:

  • “You should really lose 5 more pounds before wearing that outfit.”
  • “Why can’t you keep the house clean? What are you even doing all day?”
  • “You are a terrible mom. I can’t believe you lost your temper again! Didn’t you JUST promise yourself you would stop doing that?!”
  • “Why can’t you be like the other moms that seem to have it all together?”

Needless to say, it can get pretty ugly in there, right?

Pay attention to the thoughts that come up in your head.

Don’t just unknowingly listen to them. These thoughts are NOT true.

They are your mind’s natural defense mechanism. Your mind is programmed to play devil’s advocate all the time to try to protect you from undesirable outcomes.

You can CHOOSE not to listen and CHOOSE to insert loving and supportive self-talk (like you would speak to your best friend if they came to you with a problem).

12. Choose Self-Compassion Not Self-Indifference 

Self-compassion:

“Extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.”

wikipedia.com

Self-indifference:

“Lack of interest, concern, or sympathy.”

lexico.com

Give yourself a break!

Seriously, you are doing an amazing job. I don’t have to tell you that being a mom is hard. You are doing the best you can in your given situation.

So choose self-compassion.

When you mess up, when you feel like you yelled too much at your kids, when you feel like you could have done better, stop, take a deep breath, and choose to care about yourself.

Self-indifference happens a lot as a mom, most of the time it is not on purpose. It’s because there seems like there is no time to care for ourselves.

But we need to have more compassion for ourselves than anyone else.

Growth is HARD! And you will not always be up to choosing your best self. That’s why choosing self compassion is KEY to our continual growth.

mom laying in bed playing happily with baby

Final thoughts. . .

How can you be the best mom you can be?

You have to be your best self. You have to work on yourself. You have to work on growing. You have to change. You have to evolve.

Real change is not just a one time decision that you declare and therefore it is. It is many, many micro-decisions day in and day out that will be the backbone for your change.

One day soon you will look back and see how far you’ve come. But this won’t happen if you don’t start choosing to become your best self as a mom.

Yes! You get to CHOOSE.

You got this, mama!

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes. . .

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.” -Henry Ford

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